 |
 |
|
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
pepeelpenguino
Warrior
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 152
Location: Wisconsin
|
 Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:27 am Post subject: oh canada |
 |
|
apparently canada feels bad for ruining us(US) so it issued this
apology....
On behalf of Canadians everywhere, I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you have 10 times the television audience we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you would never do that.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As a way of our apology, please accept all of our Canadian NHL teams, which one by one are going out of business and moving to your fine country.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different: Everyone knew he had weapons.
I'm sorry we burnt down your White-House during the war of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.
I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Lover Boy, the song from Sheriff that ends with the high pitched end note, your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this, because, we've seen what you do to countries with whom you get upset with. For 22 Minutes, I'm Anthony St.Joseph, I'm Canadian. And I'm sorry.
_________________
do you belive in life after love_cher_belive |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
pepeelpenguino
Warrior
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 152
Location: Wisconsin
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:42 am Post subject: |
|
|
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American."
"Then", asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
A family moved from Newfoundland to Alberta. Johnnie started school at the new location, in grade 3.
One day the teacher asked individual students to count to 50. Many of them did very well, some getting as high as 37. But Johnnie did extremely well; he made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes. At home he told his Dad how well he had done. Dad told him, "That's because you are from Newfoundland, son".
Next day, in "language", the teacher asked students to recite the alphabet. Some made it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie outdid them again. He made it all the way through, missing only the letter "m". That evening he once again brought his Dad up to date and Dad explained to him, "That's because you are from Newfoundland.
Next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnnie noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well - endowed". This confused him. He told his Dad, that night, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Newfoundland?"
"No, son," explained Dad, "that's because you're 18!"
_________________
do you belive in life after love_cher_belive |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
pepeelpenguino
Warrior
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 152
Location: Wisconsin
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:43 am Post subject: |
|
|
These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a canadian
Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of ?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Two Canadians are sitting in a bar, and getting bored. They decide to play 20 questions.
The first Canadian tries to think of a word and after a little pondering comes up with the word: moosecock.
The second Canadian tries his first question, "Is it something good to eat?"
The first guy thinks a moment then laughs and replies "Sure, I suppose you could eat it."
The second Canadian says, "Is it a moosecock?
_________________
do you belive in life after love_cher_belive |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
chick
Joined: 16 Jun 2007
Posts: 20
Location: miami, fl
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
Canada is America's hat 
_________________
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
steph
Leadership Council
Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Posts: 171
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:17 am Post subject: |
|
|
| dude in bars dont talk about mooscock its more drink til they fight then go puck and come back for another round |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
pepeelpenguino
Warrior
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 152
Location: Wisconsin
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
yeah i live on a street with a bar on the corner and drunk people allways
walk by late at night, its kinda funny becuase they are all wobbly.
_________________
do you belive in life after love_cher_belive |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
steph
Leadership Council
Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Posts: 171
|
| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 2:40 am Post subject: |
|
|
| wel wer i live is caled the littl chicago almost same crime rate but 3 times smaller |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
jordy
Joined: 20 Feb 2008
Posts: 32
Location: edmonton,alberta,canada
|
| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 5:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
omg those are sooo funny and
GO CANADA WERE # 1!!!!!!!!!!!! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
steph
Leadership Council
Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Posts: 171
|
| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 3:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| loll jordy wer i live main street is all bars and just across the river is ontario and ther bars close at 2 in the and ours at 3 so just imagine the carnage wen bars close ontarien are basicly target practice lolll |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
